Communication Skills – How to be a Good Listener

In my previous posts on Communication Skills, I have dwelled on basics. And it would have been seen that much in the art of communication depends on listening to the opponent. As this is very important to prepare your adequate and potent response.  Now to do that, one has to be a good listener since this is the key to win over the argument in the end. Unless you allow your opponent to open up freely with you and that he has said whatever he wanted to, only then you can be prepared to open up. And while your opponent is talking, you should have the patience to listen – listen intently and with such a degree that it gives the message to your opponent that you are really interested in what he has to say or sell.

Here are some tips to become a good listener:

• Let the other person open up: In any conversation, after the pleasantries, let the other person commence the conversation. For one thing, this will show him your generosity and courtesy. And for another, it will provide you ample time to gauge and understand professionalism, depth of knowledge and piece of mind.  
• Help establish a favourable physical and mental space: Normally it is observed that whenever a serious conversation is taking place, there are background distortions and disturbances, like a TV running or telephones ringing. It will be much to the annoyance of the person sitting across you if you are more interested in the news flash on the TV or reading the SMS received on your cellular phone. This will also miss out for you some important points the other person has made.
• Avoid Frequent Interruptions: Most people do not like frequent interruptions when spoken to. So during a conversation, let the other person finish his point. If something requires more input, write it down and clarify after he is finished. Frequent interruptions may lead to diversion from the point under discussion and may become a hurdle to keep on the momentum. Many people make interruptions as they think silence on their part may mean boredom for the person spoken to. The silence can be supplemented by your alertness, body language and eye to eye contact (remember the non verbal communication skills).
• Assertive Body Language: And supplementing the last point above, show your enthusiasm and interest through your active body language. This may include positive nods, smiles etcetera. But remember never to expose your negative expressions to appear like wrinkles, frowns or pathetic nods.
• Keep other’s perspective in view: Whenever talking to someone, keep other’s perspective foremost and consider how offended you would feel if the other is not keeping your perspective in the same manner. This will make the other more comfortable and allow a free and healthy discussion. And even if the other is dumb, give him all the credit of representing  an organization and authority on behalf of his organization. This will keep him at an equal footing and provide him confidence (as you would also need when your time to open up comes).

• Read in between the lines: Be alert and find meanings of special words and gestures. Read his face expressions, gestures while he makes point. One can know if he means a thing or not by just reading in between the lines.
• Be patient and allow other to finish: It is often seen that when one is making a point, the other tries to take over. This not only bad manners, but it also robs initiative from the other who then feels hurt and creates a bad taste. So let him finish in his own time (unless you feel he is wasting time unnecessarily, but then that too has to be brought to a termination skillfully).
• Have a reassuring attitude: At all times during the discussion, you must convey the feeling of reassurance to the person spoken to.  If he thinks you are bored or thinking he is a dummy, any further discussion may then not be meaningful or in confidence. May be it is his first time or the environment is not conducive for him. You may help the person with some additional knowledge so that he remains on the wicket with his shoe spikes firmly grounded.
• Ensure a meaningful Q&A session: When a person has finished, make sure your questions are artfully worded and are to the point made earlier. Remember even if probing is desired, it is to be done with very carefully because if the person gets the feeling that he is being spied upon, the discussion can be a disaster.  Similarly, questions should be so worded that they have definite answers. A vague question would get a vague answer (garbage in, garbage out).
• Summing Up: When a point is made, it is better to sum up the discussion till that point so that no ambiguity remains. Restate this in your own words and let the person acknowledge its correctness. This will be a sign of your interest in the other person and intense involvement in whatever he said.  This may even allow the other person to make corrections or restate his point if he thinks you have got it wrong or need more words to understand his viewpoint.

So practice being a good listener – this will help you win over (most of the times).

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Rules of Motivation

By now we all understand what is motivation and what does it do when unleashed in its right perspective. People go crazy when fully charged and motivated to do wonders. But motivation is a very delicate game – it has to played strictly according to the rules. If rules are not followed, an otherwise good audience or team can crumble or fails to produce the desired results. And like any other field game, the push and the momentum has to be maintained right from the start till the very end. And if the players (in this case the team or the workers) run out of their steam too early, the goals set forth will be far from achieved or realized. So what to do? Follow rules, simply. This is how.

• Set Goals: First and foremast is the goal setting. But that is not all. Many people set goals with lot of enthusiasm and determination. But soon after when the going gets tough, they lose the track. So it is very important to keep the goals in front and fight to realize those at all costs.
• Play till the End: A player, who throws in the towel right in the middle of the game, is never remembered because that shows lack of determination, strength and motivation. A game when started has to be played till its very logical end. Likewise, a half finished project is of no use to anyone. Develop the habit of finishing self-motivated projects.
• Learn to “Learn”: Success lies in learning new tactics, techniques and strategies everyday. Those leaning on others shoulder never learn in their life. Therefore, self education must form part of one’s life. Learning and knowledge provide one firmer feet on ground and the art of standing tall above others.

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• Mutual Support: No one is ever able to do all things all by oneself. One has to have mutual support from others of the same field. Those playing football, must have friends that play football or have interest in the game so that once can discuss matters easily and productively. Likewise a manager dealing with mobile phones should have a company in the similar field rather than relying on the shoulder of friends dealing in ladies garments.
• Those who Dare, Win: Always remember, daring makes people win. Defensive attitudes are good when one doesn’t want personal elevation nor company’s progress. Status quo managers get lost in the very competitive world around them. Even if one fails while taking risks, one should re-group and recoil by learning one’s mistakes. Remember Tamerlane, the last great nomad king, who learnt from a falling ant in cave when defeated. The ant taught him never to accept defeat and keep trying. And this he did and won. Look around  – you will find numerous examples of successful people, who lost, fell, get trampled but still continued trying to rise. And rise they did and prevailed.

These rules are just rules – till transformed into action strategy and learnt like rules of war where only those survive and win who dare…

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Non Verbal Communication Skills

One would often hear that expressions tell everything. And whoever said it wasn't very wrong, as if one is really observant, one can make out what the person talking to him really means. Many people are misleading – but they get caught by their body language as one can not hide ones inner feeling through one’s gestures, or in other words non verbal communication indicators.  No matter how experienced a person is in concealing his gestures, in some point in time he is likely to give away his true intentions. 

The non verbal communication skills thus play an important part in business, like all other walks of life, to understand a client, read what a business opponent has on mind or even to find out the reaction to one’s orders to the team members or what one’s CEO thinks of the project just presented. Nonverbal communication, or in other words the body language, includes our facial expressions, eye contact, posture, gestures or the tone of one’s voice. And if one considers impact of each one of these, one would find that the non verbal communication possesses in itself a magic that if used intelligently can play wonders in business deals or even in our ordinary routine life.

Let us find out how the various indicators work and how these can be of benefit to us in business.

• Facial Expressions: Whenever we meet a person, in an instant we can figure out whether a person is sad, happy, confused or in deep thought or trouble. This does not require formal training. This is just instincts. But going a step further, the study of face reading has much hidden in its store. Those who have read or practiced the art of face reading can tell whether the subject is shrewd, cunning, liar or a straight forward honest. It is very seldom that experts in face reading get a wrong reading of their subjects as face is the true reflection of a person’s personality. So from now on, start to read a person more intelligently and decipher its hidden contours. It will help you a lot in business deals.
• Gestures: The way a person moves his hands or places these at different parts of his body has hidden meanings. But remember, different cultures have different gestures meaning different things. So one must first know the background of the person and the culture one belongs to before reaching any conclusions. Once while I was in Iran, I found that a vertical nod by the face means  a No rather than a yes. And many a times I got mislead as the shopkeeper had said no and I thought he said yes. Likewise one hands also need to be observed carefully. The pointing of fingers, or moving of hands closer together, one can draw emphasis to what one intends saying. The hand gestures can also show one’s enthusiasm, commitment or otherwise during a discussion. But remember, too many gestures with hands is also indicative of jitter. One may often find confused people clenching their hands or drying out the sweat from their palms.
• Body Language (posture and movements): The way a person sits or stands, walks or leans forward has many indicators in it for one to understand. Often a forward posture means enthusiasm, attentiveness and interest. But the same may show negative signals in some countries when leaning very close to a woman. A relaxed body posture often helps a person to appear confident and in charge of one’s knowledge and office. It is a true reflective of your status within an organization, group or a team.

• Eye Contact: Eyes tell all. Even if one is very good at concealing his otherwise shaky body language, one’s eyes would reveal everything. The way one looks at you can communicate many things like his interest (or otherwise) in you, affection, hostility, or attraction. That is why most people stress on keeping and maintaining a constant eye contact with the person one is talking. If one is observed shying away from the eye contact, it has many negative signals like concealing a fact or telling something that is incorrect. But again a word of caution here. While a direct stare implies intensity, it may also imply a romantic interest if talking to a woman or opposite gender.
• Touch and Space: The touch and space can mean a lot. A firm and warm shake hand at the start of a meeting means a welcome gesture, while a casual shake hand means lack of interest or simply means a non-welcome behaviour. Likewise a good hug is a healthy sign. The space chosen to sit or stand reveals the degree of contact desired. But like said before, these two aspects differ in different cultures and have different interpretations for different genders.
• And lets talk of the Voice. The pitch, tone, rhythm and volume have many things to tell. A monotonous voice, with no oscillations means parrot talk – something that is being said as drill and not as a conviction. One must mince words precisely and forcefully.  But remember there is a difference between barking and talking confidently. 

This is just the beginning – we will talk more of non verbal communication in future blogs. In the meantime, start practicing on your face reading skills and how to capture the audience by your oscillating voice.

Related Reading:
Body Language – Magic Posture
18 Ways to Improve your Body Language

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Organizational Skills – Important Tips

Getting organized is the key factor in successful business or even in any capacity you may be anywhere. The more organized one is, the more balanced approach one would have towards the business of life. Herein under are some tips that would help you in getting organized for the day:

• Keep a Day Planner: To start with, keep and maintain a day planner. This should become your nature to write down everything you have to do in your planner. Don’t rely on your memory, even if it works well 500%. Because no human has a memory that works well all the time. One tends to fore get. So even if there is a .00000------1 percent chance of skipping an important thing, why take that chance? So whatever it is, whether important or not, write it the minute it occurs to you and before packing up, have a review of it so that even if something is missed out, it is put in its place. Your wife wont kill you if you are a few minutes late.
• Keep a Contingency Plan Ready: Everything doesn’t go as planned always. So keep a contingency plan up your sleeve for such eventuality. You shouldn’t find your self hit against the wall ever with no way out. Work out detailed plans, with a room for contingencies. There would always be chances for reversals or taken by surprise or off guard. What to do then if you haven’t prepared yourself in advance? Plan for the worst scenario, while hoping for the best. If worst happens, you should have your cards ready.
• Listing always comes handy:  The wise say lists are your friends. So make list of everything that you want to or have to day. If you have plan, make lists of your goalposts – from immediate to mid and long term. Make lists of personal activities, family commitments and even a list for your grocery. Everything adequately catered for.
• Don’t Procrastinate: Delaying things or putting off things tomorrow or relegating things unnecessarily will never buy you time. Your plans should be such that you don’t have to lay off things for another time, another day. Tomorrow you will have other things to do, and who knows what tomorrow has in store for you. Many times it so happens that you plan to lay off a thing for tomorrow hoping it to be a rather easy day. But the same day can turn out to be so nasty that you won’t even know how to handle things.
• Plan in “Full”: Make plans in all totality. Priorities things to be done immediately, while not overlooking activities that have to go concurrently. Have all the resources made ready in advance of an event. And above all know what time is available to you. Time constraints sometimes collapse even the best made plans.
• Don’t let Time make you its Hostage: As said before, time miscalculation or constraint can let a well planned project crumble, so let not time take you a s hostage. Know how to estimate time correctly for each segment of the plan. Keep some extra time for unseen as well.

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